We Die Alone
by starry night blue
Summary: [OneShot] Matt's thoughts about death as he lies alone on his hospital bed...knowing that no matter how many friends he has, he'll always die alone...


**D/C: I don't own Digimon. **

**I got this idea of a one-shot after I've watched "Final Destination", and it got me thinking about death and all. So I decided to portray my thoughts in a story, and I think it came out pretty good. **

**We Die Alone**

_Beep…beep…beep…_

Matt Ishida tried to sleep against all the continuous beeping and whirring of the machines surrounding him, but he just couldn't. _'Try to have some sleep,'_ the doctor had told him, but Matt couldn't figure out how to do that when all those damned machines wouldn't shut up!

_Beep…beep…beep…_

Matt sighed and rolled over in his bed. Or rather, in his _hospital_ bed. Even though the bed was more comfortable and warm than his own, he longed for it. He longed to sleep on his own bed, in his own room, in his own house…with his family…

He had been stuck in this hospital room for three weeks now. The doctors wanted to keep him there to keep a close eye on him, just incase something came up. Matt had protested that he didn't care, that he was going to die eventually, and would rather spend his remaining days with his family, and not in the hospital, but nobody had listened to him. They believed that this was the best for him. They believed that he still had a chance…but what do they know?

_Beep…beep…beep…_

What do they know about death? What do they know about sitting in a bed for days, waiting for your death to come, knowing that there was no way out…no escape? Nothing. They knew absolutely nothing. Only he knew what it was like…what it was like to have cancer.

Matt squeezed his eyes shut as tears threatened to come up, gripping tightly onto his bed sheets as he did. They didn't understand. Not his dad, not his mom, not Tk, not Tai, not Sora…no one understood what he was going through. This was not like any other normal death condition. It was totally different from a guy dying in a car crash, or a guy dying from murder…it was like a guy dying in an airplane; he would feel that the plane was going to explode, but there was nothing he could do about it. It was like a girl drowning; she would feel herself drowning, and there was nothing she could do about it because she can't swim. The former two didn't know of their upcoming ends, but the later knew, and they were helpless against it.

Such was the way he felt. He knew he was going to die, but he couldn't do anything about it…because cancer was incurable. Especially lung cancer.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

He hated this. He hated the state he was in. He hated being so weak and helpless. He hated the looks of sympathy everybody gave him when they came in to check on him. He hated being pitied. Once, he had been a strong, popular rock star…he was still a popular rock star; the postcards and gifts he received everyday were proof of that…but he wasn't strong anymore…he was weak and frail and thin…he felt too small for his own bed.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

He also felt too lonely. His friends and family couldn't stay the whole day with him, although he wished they could; they had their own lives to attend to. _Their own lives. _He already felt that he was no longer a part of these lives anymore. His family seemed to get along fine without him; his parents had even gotten back together while he was sick. Tk was now strong and able to take good care of himself. Tai and Izzy had become quite good friends. Sora could get a new boyfriend, no problem; half the guys in school wanted her. As for the others, they could live without him; it wasn't such a big deal…

_Beep…beep…beep…_

If he died, it wouldn't be such a big deal. Sure, the people may grieve for two or three days, but after that they'll be fine. They'll get on with their lives. He was more of a nuisance than a friend or a son anyway; they would be relieved to see him go.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

He sighed again and reached out for the glass of water on the bedside cabinet. His hand felt heavy and he felt like his muscles weren't obeying him; relaxing when he needed them to stretch. His weak fingers wrapped around the glass and he was about to drag it towards him when it slipped from between his fingers. Matt winced as the glass shattered on the floor. _So stupid…so weak…_

_Beep…beep…beep…_

He sank back on his back against the pillows, panting. Every move drained him from his strength. His muscles ached and his lungs ached with each breath. He felt exhausted; as if he had just run a marathon, when he had only just reached out for a glass of water. He felt so pathetic. He wanted to call the nurse so that she would clear up the mess he had created, but his vocal cords weren't helping. When he tried to speak, he could only hear rasping and gasping coming out of his mouth.

_So tired…can't take it anymore…_

_Beep…beep…beep…_

Matt didn't think he could go on. He felt so weary. The doctor had told him before that it was okay to feel tired; it was due to the Chemical Treatment he had been forced to sit for. But that still didn't make him feel any better…he was so damn tired.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

'Matt?'

Sora opened the door just a crack and poked her head inside. Tai stood on tiptoe and looked over the top of her head at the figure lying on the bed.

'Is he awake?' he asked her.

'Dunno,' she murmured, opening the door wider. She tiptoed inside, closely followed by Tai. She almost slipped on the puddle of water next to Matt's bed, but Tai caught her just in time. 'Thanks.'

'Just be careful,' he muttered, indicating the water and shards of glass on the floor.

Sora nodded, and they both made their way carefully to the other side of the bed. She gently picked up Matt's hand and held it between hers. It felt so cold against her skin. Sora felt a tear trickle down her cheek…

Tai stood behind her, staring oddly at Matt's thin face, were traces of good looks still remained. There was something wrong…no, different about it. Tai didn't think he had ever seen Matt look so happy in the past few months…

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep……_

**-**

**A/N: WAAAAAH! Oh, God! I'm so evil! I killed my favorite character! (Sniff, sniff) But, the story was good, wasn't it? Bit morose, I know, but still, I think it was good. Well, I'll be waiting for your reviews, okay?**

**_-ZEN._ **


End file.
